We all have some sort of fantasy life. Some of these fantasies are positive and life sustaining, creative and healthy while other types, not so much. For example we’ve all told ourselves stories that are negative and self-demeaning even though they are filled with quite creative lies. How many times we tell ourselves “our negative stories” depends on how bored we get and what we decide to do about the plots with all their curves and twists. But, getting back to sex – I just wanted to show you how we all fantasize – no matter what the story or situation.
Sexual fantasies are fun – I encourage them. Of course if you’re extremely religious, you may think I am an evil person, but you probably wouldn’t have been reading this blog. If you are, well your story of me being evil is one of your fantasies, and it doesn’t compute with my reality.
Sex sells because it allows the reader to indulge in sexual fantasies with fabulous magic people who all look like Gods or Goddesses, who are usually quite wealthy, powerful and important, though they may have other humane characteristics we all value and want also – kindness, great lover, smart, etc. etc. etc. But again, there is always that new and exciting LOVE.
In these fantasies, we all get to imagine what our supposed perfect partner and life would be like, and how great a lover we’ve been blessed with! And the hero is always a fantastic lover! And what woman – or man – wouldn’t want that?! For men of course, we have magazines like Playboy to stimulate the fantasy mind. For women, it’s mostly romance novels with their plotted sexual tension.
Sexual tension – that thing all romance novels demand, is what we used to experience way back when we weren’t allowed, through some sort of moral stance to be sexual – or didn’t recognize the sexual energy present.
Sexual energy in romance novels is so blatant it is like coating folks with neon paint and chocolate. But of course, the characters don’t recognize it. Or if they do, they simply deny it or ignore it. All other characters in the novel recognize it and have to suffer through the main character’s ignorance/denial. Like in real life, sexual energy is quite blatant too. I’m sure you’ve seen it and possibly denied it too. I have. . . .
But I’ve gotten off my subject. Sexuality is amazing. Good friends have sexual energy which I define as alive, vibrant, passionate, exciting, etc. That does not mean that they are sexual with each other, it means simply that sexuality is an energy. That’s another reason I write about sex. SEX IS ENERGY whether we react to it, respond to it or ignore it.
Over the years I had heard that older women were not interested in sex. I don’t remember where I first got the message, but it stuck. Perhaps it was my mother or her friends or even my friend’s mothers – if they even spoke of such things. I expected my life to follow that path.
Imagine my surprise when my interest didn’t fad about passion, romance and sex. Any day now, perhaps that will change – I don’t think so – not at 71.
As I speak to both single friends and those in relationships, they all hunger for a wonderful physical relationship consisting of not just the act of sex, but of hugging, touching, caressing, holding and kissing – all forms of delicious energy and often a part of sex and love.
Some women have no interest in sex. Some theories: perhaps they never had a wonderful lover, thus their interest in sex died a quick and easy death; perhaps early religious training made them think sex is dirty and bad; perhaps they had been traumatized at an early age – or even a later age; perhaps sex is painful. There are so many possible reasons, but in spite of the many theories, for most of us, sex is natural and beautiful and can create the most loving, wonderful alive vibrant feelings.
Another reason sex sells is because many many of us are voyeurs and reading a romance novel allows us to be the unseen person in our characters’ bedrooms and love lives (or of course, we must not forget that we often become the main character). How fun is that?! You know, like maybe we just are the heroine or lover of Mr. or even Miss Perfect!
Unlike porn films which are often too graphic, the written word allows us to fill in what we want, where we want it and actually who we want to participate with. A romantic hero who is tall, well-built, muscular, dark and handsome with beautiful chocolate eyes, a strong chin, dark hair and wonderful teeth, can fit many fantasies and will evoke in each of us, a different person or character. Each of us will imagine him to be just who we want him to be. I strongly suggest not looking at the cover of most romance novels, as the characters, in my humble opinion, don’t seem very sexy to me – but that is a whole other subject.
Romance novels and sex scenes allow us to fantasize without having to work at creating scenarios. Sex is done for us.
So why do I write sex scenes and why will I continue to write them? Because truly, sex isn’t really about sex. It’s about passion for life, for connection and love – those qualities all of us desire. It’s fantasy and reality, giving and receiving, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – and of course, just sheer fun. When I write a sexy scene, I hope it has all these components and that is part of any love story – even with oneself! And I love writing them and sharing them with my husband who generously gives me feedback – how much better could that be?!